hey, martin douglas! whatever happened to that girl you were talking about in the “pensacola” section of your deerhunter essay?
i want to say “who cares?” with almost every fiber in my being. i want to climb to the mountaintops and shout “WHO THE FUCK FUCKING CARES!” for all the world to hear in my nasally, less-than-world-beating voice. but sometimes i still think about her. you see, i loved her. i loved her in this deep, never-ending way; i loved her with the burning intensity of a white flame. and when she did what she did, it gave me one of the most profound feelings of hurt and sadness i’ve ever experienced in a life full of profound feelings of hurt and sadness. i’m sure you’ve gone through that, right? you’ve been in love, right? i highly recommend it to every single person reading this. just don’t let someone else end it. it’ll wreck your life.
the truth is that i still think about her. certainly not in a romantic way, but i haven’t been grinding an axe every day for a year, either. i mainly hope she finds peace in whatever life she chose after me. i hope she realizes that she made a big mistake, because out of all of the things in which i think i have a modicum of talent, being a caring, supportive boyfriend is highest on that list. i hope she considers it a mistake, and i hope she’s able to live with mistakes. god knows i’ve made plenty myself.
and for myself, i hope that wasn’t the last romantic love i’ve experienced in my lifetime. because that keeps me awake at night sometimes.
Word to Roger Sterling, life is just a series of doors that close behind you.
venetianblinds asked: This is just a Martin Douglas appreciation notice from a girl who has been following you far longer than you've followed me. Happy Spring.
This is an appreciation notice from Martin Douglas. Martin Douglas loves you.
The Men - “I Saw Her Face”
New Moon’s best song gets a rad video. Awesome.
Watch out, world. Life is fun for Martin Douglas again.
Song: Tweens - “Rattle&Rollin’”
wednesday night, i wanted to die again.
it sounds like a broken record whenever i talk about wanting to die, but i suppose i catch that desire a little more often than most people. when my thoughts start to form their own little oppressive landscape in my head, the conventional wisdom of there being people who care about me and need me completely leaves my head and i feel so useless to everyone i know. i start to feel like a destructive force in everyone’s lives. i start to feel that the world would be better off without martin douglas or “martin douglas.”
James Blake - “Retrograde”
Hope everyone is doing well. Martin Douglas loves you.
You should tell me how you’ve been because I miss you.