bronxcheer said: How you feeling dude? You working through the big things?

The other night, the night I wrote this diary entry, I was feeling really resigned about life and happiness. I felt maybe I don’t really deserve to be truly happy. Maybe you aren’t supposed to get what you give, you know? Maybe my lot in life is to bring joy to other people’s lives for the lack of joy I feel for myself most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to be truly, legitimately happy, but if as long as I make other people’s lives better, my life will have been worth all of the horrible things I’ve gone through, from childhood to adulthood.

I mean, I’m alive, I’m here, and that’s a good thing I guess. And I’m not depressed or longing to disappear. But I’m not really happy, either. I haven’t been happy in a while. And maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be like. As long as I can make others happy. As long as I can make you happy.


  1. jewlesthemagnificent said: EVERYONE is deserving of true happiness and love. Yes, you may not get a 1 to 1 ratio of love given to love received, but everyone you love believes in you the way you believe in them. Martin Douglas is 100% deserving of love. 100%.
  2. douglasmartini posted this